So there's a mumble jumble of things I need to post about today. So just. bare with me!

The other day, something really hard happened. It wasn't a very good day for a million reasons. The biggest one was realizing that sometimes, even when I'm doing all I can, people don't like it. People sometimes don't like the way I handle things. And when something happened to point that out to me, I was really hurt. The amazing thing though, was after that instance, I discovered this huge safety net I had. I fell backwards, hard. And there was this safety net of loving people to catch me. And some of the people I expected to be there, others I didn't. But it was wonderful to have all those people there to catch me, and help me get back up. So thank you to that safety net that I have, I will always treasure and love each and every one of you.

Next item of business. A slight vent. There's this thing called "I'm a Mormon. I know it, I live it, I love it." Too often lately I see people who are Mormons. Who know it. But they don't live it. And that is so frustrating to me. I know I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I certainly hope I don't broadcast my desires to be a rebel and live on the edge as blatantly as some do. It's just disappointing when you KNOW somebody goes and bears their testimony on Sunday, but on Saturday they were bikini shopping or talking about how much they missed their wild nights of partying and drinking. I know I shouldn't judge, and I'm really trying not to. Everybody makes mistakes and has imperfections. I just feel like those imperfections and temptations shouldn't be a license for you to be "cool" or "rebellious." If you know it, live it. I know that's what I'm trying to do. Even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it. It's just sad that in Mormonville, sometimes it's "cool" to break the rules or brag about something that isn't exactly right. I wish it was "cool" to find a really cute one piece swim suit or a really cute modest prom dress. I wish it was "cool" to go see the newest Disney movie 7 times, instead of the newest R rated one. I wish it was "cool" to say how much you've always wanted to buy some new shoes instead of get a tattoo. Maybe this is out of place and maybe this will offend someone. That is truly not my intention. I just wish my friends from out of state didn't have to point out to me how hypocritical Utah Mormons are. And in some ways, they're very right. And that's too bad.

End of vent. Cue next item of business! I love my new job. So very much. I pick articles and write headlines on religious freedom for the BYU Religious Freedom and Law Center. It's the best. I work whenever I want to from home, I get to just sit and read lots of news which I love, and I get to write headlines. It's the best.

Last item of busy-ness. Some days are harder than others, sometimes bad things happen, sometimes you don't get what you wanted or needed and that's hard. But there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel. So, to quote one of my favorite General Authorities  Elder Holland:

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”

My biggest fear is being alone. In a lot of ways, it's an irrational fear. I have a family, I have roommates, I have friends. But there is always this under the surface fear that I am really alone. And today I hit a reality check. Well two of them actually. One, that I am never EVER really alone. Heavenly Father is always there for me. No matter what. And two, that maybe this fear of being alone is really what makes me feel alone. So if I abandon the fear, I'll never have to have that fear become a reality. So that's what I'm working on this week. Letting go of that irrational worry.

Also. I have the greatest friends known to man. They are seriously the best. The ones here, the ones in the MTC, the ones at home (especially you Mom!!!), all of them. I take my friends for granted a lot. I love you all so much and I rely on you more than you know. So thank you, for being you.

Have a wonderful Saturday world!

***DISCLAIMER: I started this post yesterday, on Randy's actual birthday. So while it's being posted a day late, it was written on the actual day. That is all***

So I feel like I post about Randy a lot....but this month has been crazy with Valentine's Day and him being gone for a month and now his birthday...so he gets a lot of blog time. Sorry, next month I'll cool it down. But I figure most people read this blog to hear about Randy anyway....so it's fine;)

Anyway. Today my best friend turns 19 years old. He's off in the MTC, getting ready to teach the people in Fukuoka, Japan the Gospel. And while I miss him and wish I could spend his birthday with him, I wouldn't want him to be anywhere else. He loves this Gospel and he has such a strong testimony of it, it would be so selfish of me to want him to be anywhere else. Yesterday we had a sort of birthday party for him with a bunch of our BYU friends, which was really fun.

The reality is is that Randy Low is one of the most amazing people I know, and I'm really lucky to have gotten to be his friend for the past few years. So thank you Randy, for being the best friend in the world. For having my back, for caring about me and my friends, for always listening, for being crazy with me, for fighting with me, for laughing and crying with me. For everything. Happy birthday Elder Low!

So today I got to go see one of my very best friends give her farewell talk. Sister Henson is going to do amazing this in Paris for the next 18 months, and I must say that I'm a very lucky person to know her. Hailee is such an example to me in so many ways. She has strengthened my testimony more than she, or any one else, can possibly know. I often find myself in situations, thinking how Hailee would handle it. And the result is always to be kind, gentle, and fair. Hailee will be an amazing missionary not only because she will represent the Savior, but because she will emulate him. She is one of the most Christ like people I know, and will be a wonderful missionary.

So Hai, thank you for the long, late night conversations, the random texts just to see how I'm doing, the devotion and loyalty you have to me and our friendship, the beautiful poems and notes and pictures you gave me just because, the secrets we've shared, the nights we spent talking in a room full of people, the trips to the temple, the drive just to come say happy birthday, the testimonies that you've shared with me, the many times you drove all the way to my house just because, the way you encouraged me to go for my goals, the many pictures you have taken for me, the support you have shown me in coming to SO MANY of my shows and performances, the deep talks about anything and everything, and for just being the person you are. I am sure that you and I were close before this life, and I have been so lucky to have you as a friend in this one.

I'm going to miss this girl like crazy, and those people in France better get ready. Sister Hailee Jane Henson is coming for 'em.

I love you Hailee Jane, write me lots, and don't ever forget that I'm here cheering you on!!

Valentine's Day. What a wonderful day of the year. So commence with sappy V-Day post that most of you will probably skim, at most. Oh well. This is for posterity:)

So yesterday I got a letter from a special guy, and was able to look at one part of it PLUS an SD card ON Valentine's Day. So naturally, we all stayed up until midnight. Which was a good choice, in my opinion. It was totally worth it. It's hard not having my best friend here, but I am so proud of him and the things he's accomplishing. He wrote the sweetest things, said the sweetest things, I got pictures among other things...all in all, a great gift.

Then I went to sleep, woke up, and had 8 text messages from our very best guy friends that all said Happy Valentine's Day! Then I went to the kitchen to find Rebecca had made muffins and Rachel had made sugar cookies:) My roomies are the best:)  My mom gave me a bag of yummy candy to enjoy which was so sweet of her:) And then....the cherry on the top of my great Valentine's Day....our guy friends. Our guy friends are literally so sweet, especially Dillon. Sitting in our living room is a big red bag labeled for the Fat Five (questions on what that is, contact me directly;)) Inside was a teddy bear for us to cuddle with, a bottle of Martinelli's to celebrate the day with, a heart shaped box of chocolate for each of us, some Diet Dr. Pepper (it is our staple), brownie mix that won't get baked because we just eat the batter, frosting because it is our morning wake up medicine, and an individual letter for each of us. May I just say, my friends seriously rock.

Now I get to drive Alli to the airport with Rach, watch a bunch of friends open their mission calls, then make sugar cookies while watching chick flicks with the Robed Five (again if you'd like an explanation, contact me;))

So here's to love. The love I have for my family and all they do for me, the love that I have for my roommates who lift me up, the love I have for my girlfriends who literally keep me sane and happy, the love I have for the guys that make me feel special, the love I have for BYU, the love I have for chocolate, the love I have for the Gospel, the love I have for basically everyone who I've met and whose touched my life and especially the love I have for that one boy whose 5 weeks down, 99 to go:) Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Sometimes the days are hard the nights are long. Sometimes I don't do as well on a test as I would like. Sometimes when I have high expectations, I get disappointed. Sometimes I trust too easily. Sometimes I get frustrated with people that I shouldn't. Sometimes I'm not as nice as I should be.

But sometimes, even on the hardest days when I'm the most disappointed and angry, I have to remember that it's been 1 year 6 months. So here's to you.

So as of yesterday, Randy has officially been on a mission for one month! Pretty exciting stuff! He's got 5 weeks left in the MTC and is really loving it. He says Japanese is hard, and some days he is good at it and other days he's not, but it's coming. He loves his companion, and is struggling with his district because the other missionaries aren't as interested in learning and studying as they are with messing around, but he's learning how to work on it! He's had a few awesome experiences, and if you want to read more about them, check out this link.

Things are going great here at school, busy as always, but so much fun! I love my group of friends and I love my ward, things are just great.

Also...small shout out to the people who've been helping me get through the past few weeks. There's been some major ups and downs, and I love knowing I have great people to count on, family and friends. Happy Sunday!