Life Update: When It Rains...

6:07 PM

It pours. It freaking pours.

We've had quite the week.

I've been mad, I've been hurt, I've been scared, and I've been embarrassed.

Oh, so embarrassed.
I haven't wanted to talk about it, to think about it, let alone post about it or ask anyone for help.

I was so embarrassed because I thought we had it all together. I thought people would see that I had lost my job and think "Wow, she must have gotten fired" (which I didn't) or "How dumb is she for waiting around to get laid off" or "That's so embarrassing for them to have to go through this."

I completely planned to never tell anyone and just let people think I had a job change or something.

Then I saw all the Instagram stuff going around about being more real, and true. Not only putting the most perfect moments out there. I also had a million experiences that made me so sure this was what was supposed to happen. SO I'm putting aside my ego, and telling it like it is. Being real, raw, and vulnerable.

So here it goes.

On Monday, I walked into my office and we had a crazy day.

I got home that night, and then didn't have a job anymore.

Budgets got cut. But just a couple days earlier I had been reassured that my position was moving, that I was going to be OK, and that there was nothing to worry about.

Monday came, and everything I had been told and reassured about, went out the window.

I full-on panicked. Randy has been doing school full-time and we made enough money that we had decided he didn't need to work for a semester or two.

So now neither of us had jobs. And we were having a baby. Yikes.

We had a chunk of money saved, but were planning on using that for the baby, Randy's tuition, etc. So now we were left wondering what we do.

Randy gave me a blessing and it was extremely clear that this is all part of the plan, a blessing in disguise. I had a really hard time seeing it like that (and to be honest, some of the day I still do).

But it seriously is miraculous how many things have come together.

We moved to our South Jordan apartment last September because it was halfway between Provo and the U. We were slated to leave in April, and just a few weeks ago our landlord had asked if we'd consider moving earlier, as the next tenants were getting married in February and were going to have to find temporary housing until April. We told them we would let them know, but didn't see any reason to move earlier than April, and they were fine with that.

Well, we texted our landlords to see if the new tenants would still be interested in moving in. And YES they were. So, we packed up and moved to Kaysville over the weekend, allowing us to save a lot of money, be close to family, and shop around for houses (we are hoping to buy after we know where Randy will be working when he graduates).

I have done freelance work for a company for a few months, and they've been asking me to put in more hours lately. So I texted my contact there, and I'm now a 40 hour a week employee there. No job hunting for me, just working. PLUS getting to work from home a lot more and the option of part-time/remote work when baby boy comes.


I seriously go from crying from stress to crying from gratitude every other minute. It's such a beautiful reminder that even though I'm not sure what the future holds or how everything is going to come together, it's all going to be OK and we're going to survive.

So we are figuring it out, feeling happy, and I'm feeling so much more myself than I would have imagined I would. It feels right. Which is SO strange. But I look back and see how all the little pieces of our life have come together to make this work out.

Randy has been a rockstar. Letting me cry and whine and complain, always keeping a positive attitude and reassuring me that everything would be OK. He has been so awesome in taking dozens and dozens of boxes to our cars so I don't have to lift a lot, putting up with my panic attacks, working with me on fine tuning little details, and more. He has never complained once, or made me feel that I did anything wrong. I can't even explain how much I have relied on him, and how much he has stepped up to the plate and taken care of me and our family.

Also, this little boy. Holy cow this little boy that we are going to have is so wonderful. I feel like every kick is a reminder that I have a plan and we have important things to do. It's like he's reminding me that he's here for me and can tell when I need comfort.

Anyway, this rant is coming to a close. The point of the matter is this:

Nobody has it all together. You can make a million plans and be as prepared and cautious as you think is possible, and things still happen. You don't need to be embarrassed or worry about what people will think about your lack of "having it together." Sometimes it's about trust and faith. Things work out. Miracles come together to help get everything where it's supposed to be. And the people who love you will ALWAYS be there for you.

That's all, friends. Here's to looking forward to the many more storms Randy and I and our family will get to weather together.

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