LOVE WEEK - The Best Love Stories Are Boring
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This piece comes from my sweet work
friend, Missy. She made my transition to a new office SO easy and wonderful.
She and I instantly became close friends, and even though we don't work
together anymore, we still love chatting and meeting up when we can. Missy is
SUCH a hard worker, a talented writer (as you'll read) and is going to be a
FANTASTIC mom in a week or so. I am so lucky to know her, to learn from her,
and to get to share her words with you!
Love is supposed to be boring. I’m not
talking about the love you see in most romantic comedies. I mean the real kind,
the one that lasts. Real love is what keeps people together for sixty plus
years and leaves an indentation from their wedding ring on their finger. That’s
real love. And the people who have real love, their story isn’t anything
extraordinary--and it shouldn’t be.
One of my all-time
favorite love stories is Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. If you're not
familiar with the story, let me summarize. Jane Eyre is an orphaned girl who is
sent to live with her cruel aunt shortly after her parents die. Her aunt, who
isn't particularly fond of her, sends her to a girl’s school where she spends
the rest of her childhood. Upon leaving school, she’s hired by Mr. Rochester to
be a teacher and nurse-maid to his young ward. Over time, she falls in love
with him and he her. She then accepts his marriage proposal and they begin
preparing for marriage. However, something happens that forces them apart and
she leaves. She takes a job in a new town and tries to get over him. She spends
a year or two away from him, but never stops loving him. Eventually, she makes
her way back to him and they live happily ever after.
This may not sound
like the most exciting of stories, but again, it’s one of my favorites. Let me
explain. Most of this story takes place at Thornfield, Mr. Rochester’s home.
Jane spends her days teaching and caring for a young French girl. Mr. Rochester
takes care of the estate and maintaining his social life. Their paths rarely
cross, and when they do, it's mostly professional. Though, there are times where
they discuss novels, nature, or the outside world. It’s in those moments that
you begin to see Jane fall in love with him. And he her.
The way Bronte
describes these little moments are beautiful! She does a fantastic job of
creating this deep, passionate love in these fleeting moments. A single glance
or a short conversation is enough to see the depth of their love. The whole
story is told from Jane’s perspective so you get to see just how much those
little moments affect her. And it's beautiful! That is exactly why I love this
story so much. There’s no big romantic gesture, no elaborate schemes. It's just
the day-to-day, simple, mundane, boring moments between two people in love.
It’s real, lasting love--not something built on a one-night stand or some big
demonstration of love.
I’m not saying that
passion doesn’t play a part in love, because it does. There are times when
passion and spontaneity keep love alive. But a love built only on those
passionate moments doesn’t last. There comes a time where the spontaneous road
trips or big romantic gestures become a rarity. They’re replaced by the
mundaneness of life--work, bills, a home to maintain, or a family to raise. But
you don’t ever truly lose that passion. It takes a backseat and, if you’re
lucky, gets replaced by real love.
My husband and I
had a lot of fun while we were dating. We always tried to do something whenever
we were together, whether that was going out to eat or seeing a movie. It was
always something. When things got more serious, those activities were replaced
by the more boring stuff. Our “dates” consisted of doing homework, running
errands, or going grocery shopping. After we got married, things got even more
boring. Jake spends most of his weeknights studying late into the night. I
spend them unwinding after work by obsessively cleaning the house or watching
Netflix. “Date night” changed from getting dinner at sit-down places to
grabbing Chick-Fil-A before heading off on an errand. Anyone looking at our
life would say that it’s boring--and it is. But I love our perfect, boring
life.
When I think about
our marriage, the times that I treasure the most are the mundane times. The
Saturdays we’ve spent cleaning the house. Discussing finances over a dinner of
pancakes. Assembling furniture together. Or, more recently, the countless times
we’ve spent talking about what we need to do to be ready for our baby boy. It’s
the times that I’ve spent up in Jake’s study reading while he studies, going to
the grocery store together, or laying on our bed scrolling through our phones
while a movie plays in the background that I hold close to my heart. It’s in
those moments that I most love my husband.
Those boring
moments will make up the majority of our life. The fact that I’m able to enjoy
them as much as I do reassures me that my husband and I have real love. We
don’t need big romantic gestures or elaborate declarations of love. We get as
much joy in doing the dishes together as we do in getting dressed up for a
night out.
Too often, we get
caught up in the idea that love should be dramatic, passionate, and wild. We
have an unrealistic expectation that our love life should consist of wild
stories, crazy adventures, or unexpected twists and turns. If it’s not, we
abandon it. We move on to someone else, hoping that the next person will keep
things exciting. That’s not what real love is. The love that lasts is the one
that holds as much excitement in a night paying bills as going to a five-star
restaurant. Finding this type of love with someone helps you find the beauty
and the magic of life, even in the most dull of times.
The best love
stories aren’t filled with big romantic gestures or continuous proofs of love.
They’re mundane--simple. They tell the tale of two people finding each other in
the most ordinary places and facing life together. Of course, there are times
of trial or heartache, but these moments don’t make up the majority of their
story. Most of their story involves the monotony of life. Going to work, paying
bills, raising a family, and maintaining a house. It’s precisely those
deliciously dull moments that made their story so exciting. It’s not about the
exciting trips they took or the expensive gifts they gave or received. Instead,
their happily ever after consists of finding happiness together and continuing in
that joy throughout the mundane.
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