Pre-Wedding Feels

8:13 PM

Like I said in earlier posts, coming up I'll be posting all about our wedding day, but I want to do that with all the photos and everything. So. For now I'm going to post my pre-wedding feels and so is Randy. It's going to be sappy and dumb, so if you're not into that you can skip this! We just want to make sure we document everything. The day goes by so fast, and I know that we're going to want to look back and remember it all.

So about a month before we got married, I was done waiting. I felt like I'd been doing nothing but waiting, waiting, waiting. I waited for us to graduate high school, then for his mission call, then for him to leave, then for him to come home, then to get engaged, to the worst stage of waiting, the waiting for it to be all official. I felt like so much of my life had been leading to this point.

Three weeks before we got married was when the crying started. I was crying at absolutely everything. Just ask Randy. We would be driving down the road and I would glance over at him, and seriously burst into tears. Not because I was sad to be marrying him (haha) but because I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe we had done it. We'd made it. And Randy is too good to me, and I don't deserve him, and all those things made me cry. A lot.

The crying phase lasted for a while, I was just stressed and excited and antsy and done waiting and so, so happy. Being engaged is hard, but Randy and I also had a lot of fun being engaged. I still wear my Feyonce shirt constantly!

There's not really a way to describe the last few days before we got married. I was at work trying to make sure everything was set, I was packing up my apartment like crazy and Randy was being SO wonderful and moving everything in to our new place. He built furniture like a madman while I worked my day away downtown. People would ask me how I felt, and honestly it was strange. I felt like I was in a dream, a daze. It didn't seem possible that this could really be happening. I don't think I ever felt unsure or nervous that I was making a wrong decision - I'd been praying about this decision for years. I was sure it was right. It just felt strange that all the years of waiting and hoping were paying off.

The day before we got married I went into work for a half day - just to finish up a few things. They threw me and another engaged co-worker a shower which is so beautiful and fun. It seemed like the day just drifted by, like a slow moving cloud. I wasn't wishing it would go faster, just content. I'd been thinking a lot about how my whole life it seemed was leading up to that day. There's life before you get married, and life after you get married. That day was the turning point. It was the thing I'd been thinking about and pretending since I was a little girl. I was more sad that the anticipation was going away, and that soon my one BIG day would be over, than anything else.

Randy and I popped over to our new place to unload the things I'd gotten at the shower - and to exchange wedding presents. Randy got me two beautiful church books about marriage and shining a light for others, and I got Randy a book to write down all our dating memories and a key chain/inside joke.

As Randy read the note I wrote to him, he started sobbing. And then I started sobbing. I asked him what was wrong, and he just shook his head. He grabbed me and we just hugged, and then he said "We did it Maddy. We did it. We did it."

I can't begin to explain that feeling. After waiting, hoping, praying, and fighting for each other for four years, we had done it. It was the best feeling in the whole world.

I went home and spent time with my family, and so did Randy. It was very relaxed, and I don't remember being very nervous, just anxious for it to be night so I could go to bed. I wrote a big long note about how I was feeling before I went to sleep, and got a wonderful priesthood blessing from my dad. I was worried I wasn't going to be able to sleep at all, but surprisingly I was so exhausted from the anticipation that I slept really well. And I was so glad I did!

It is difficult to describe how it feels to be engaged and waiting for your own wedding. I met Maddy a LONG time ago and I've always thought the best of her. She's the most fantastic person I know. I really love her so much. 

Right before I asked her to marry me, I really considered the decision I was about to make. It was a really serious decision and I wanted to make the right choice. Every second that I thought about it made me more sure that there wasn't anyone for me, but Maddy. I was almost nervous that It was such an easy choice. I didn't want to rush into anything, but Maddy is perfect for me. She is my dream girl and more.

Being an engaged couple is one of the best things ever.....and it sucks. It's hard to describe. It's a ton of fun and I was so excited to marry her. However, waiting to get married feels like it takes forever! The thing that was probably the hardest for me was going back to my apartment every night and being alone. It was amazing to spend as much time as I did with her while we were engaged, but it never was enough. I always wanted to be with her longer. I'm so grateful that I don't have to now that we are married.

Being engaged is also really dramatic. Maddy and I were always so emotional and it was a little bit intense. Sometimes we would just lose it for no reason and sometimes we got into weird fights. Emotions were just flying everywhere! I remember the time right before I left on my mission was very similar. We were always emotional. It was good though because we got to see all emotions pouring out of each other and if Maddy is ok with marrying me after she's seen me as an emotional wreck, she's perfect for me. I don't know anyone else that would be able to handle me hahaha.

Once May came along, I was done waiting. I was just ready to be married. It was good timing for us to get married at the end of May. I spent most of May moving stuff from Maddy and I's apartment to our new apartment. It was a really long and frustrating process, but now we live here and if feels like home. Maddy and I exchanged wedding gifts a couple days before our wedding. With her gift she gave me a really special note.

In the note, she wrote that she chose me. She also wrote a couple promises for me and as I read the note, I was overwhelmed thinking about all that we have done to get to this point. We went through high school together and all the teasing we got for dating. We spent two years apart while I was on my mission. I felt how much I wanted this girl with such intensity at that moment and I just lost it. I was so happy and I'm still so happy that I get to be with her forever. 

Everyone's pre-wedding feels are different, I guess mostly I was just so relieved that it was actually happening. That this was real life.

We feel really lucky, and so so happy that we get to be together. I don't think either of us would want it any other way.

Happy Monday everyone!

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