10:24 AM

So yesterday something shocked me. I found out that someone who means so much to me is going through something. Horrible. A divorce because he cheated. And a part of me still can't believe it. They're such a cute couple, they had such chemistry, they had that look when they looked at each other. I made cookies with their family a million times, went and got shakes with her, laughed with him in the halls of church. What happened?

Not only can I not believe that it happened, that they're not going to be together anymore, that she's going to have to be strong enough to be on her own, but I can't help but wonder if that could happen to me. I want to think that it won't. But what if all the sudden, every dream you had with someone was over? You can plan your whole life around a happy ever after, and one thing can change that. Forever. So maybe I need to stop focusing on finding the right guy, because obviously the right guy can be so wrong. Maybe I need to focus on me, making sure I'm strong enough to handle anything, make sure I can love myself enough before I try and love anybody else. Because right now I'm not strong enough. I have to stop depending on other people. Because other people let you down. Marriage doesn't mean happy ever after, or even ever after at all. It could mean a few years of great, and then a lot more years of not great, because you put everything on someone. That's terrifying. I'm not sure if I can give someone the power to completely destroy my life and leave me to pick up the pieces. It's a scary, scary thought. But it's the truth.

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