So date nights are super fun :) Randy picked me up yesterday and there was a cute scavenger hunt in the car for while we were driving to the zoo. We got to the zoo and played around and saw all the animals and Randy was patient while I stopped at every single cage for EVER to study all the animals. And this cute little spider monkey put his hands on the glass to play with us. It was so much fun. Then back to Randy's to make mac n cheese and tempera! Which was delicious by the way :) Then the Titanic to round the night off.

I don't know what else to say, other than things are right on track and I'm loving life!!!

So it's finally starting to feel like summer. Not that my three week vacation wasn't summer, but it was a crazy, go go go every second, see too many things to remember kind of summer. And  I would go back in a heart beat. But there are some things at home that I missed and I wouldn't trade them for anything. The things that are making this summer seem real.

Sitting around my house, reading and watching TV. I missed it. Weird right?
Cherry Hill. We have a love-hate relationship. But messing around on Sys Manager, cheese fries, going crazy in Grants Gulch, smelling like chlorine, making arts and crafts projects, talking about every detail of our lives and hearing the same songs for twelve hours, it IS summer to me
My friends. We just spent a weekend in Park City (more accurately THEY spent a weekend while I spent a day because of the aforementioned Cherry Hill.) Running around shopping and throwing grapes and eating pizza and being in that crazy condo full of memories....it was a great get away for all of us.
Randy. Basically I missed this boy so much. Driving around and talking about nothing, hiking up to see the sunset, fighting about the stupidest things, having him come to the aforementioned Cherry Hill, having him help me pick out a super cute outfit at the aforementioned Park City (I'm liking the word aforementioned if you couldn't tell....) just everything. It's summer
Sitting outside on my porch swing and realizing in six weeks....it's all gone. And everything is different. So I'm grabbing every Sunday gossip session with Sarah Davis, every crazy swim party with my friends, every late night visit from people I care about, every sister day ending in weird meals, every laid back night with my family, every stressful/fun day at work. All of it.

Because, to quote HSM2, right here, with you...it's finally starting to feel like summer.

Two days back from my trip, and reality has hit. Drama. Drama. Drama. Yes I should have expected the drama as a result of my actions, but I didn't expect people who have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT to be involved. Let's just say, I would give my left arm to go back to the wonderful castles and adventures of Europe.

So I just got home from the best three weeks of my whole life. I'm not going to attempt to write down everything that happened, I have a whole journal for that (if you want every little detail just let me know ;)) But I do need to put SOMETHING on this beloved blog about the time I spent far away from home.

It was everything.

It was long and it was short, it was happy and it was sad, full of laughter and tears, it was hard and easy, it was huge and it was tiny.

It made me change the way I look at everything and everyone, especially myself. I missed my family and friends and free water while I was gone, but I wouldn't change the past three weeks for anything.

Because I feel like for the first time in a long time, I found me. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful way to do it, and I wouldn't trade the memories I have for anything. So that's it really.

It was everything.

I pulled into the parking lot in my green, 1994 Altima with the broken speedometer. I turned the car off but didn't take the key out of the ignition. The sun was bright and behind my brand new sunglasses I looked at Davis High School. The old brick of the auditorium was about twenty feet in front of me and I had the strangest desire to run out and touch it, to run my hands over the brick. I was parked in the second stall, nobody was next to me on the right and an empty forest green car was on my right.

I just sat behind the safety of my sunglasses and started at the auditorium and open courtyard of Davis High. The north-end door was pulled open and shut but I didn't see the people going inside. Out the back of my dirty rearview mirror I saw people pull in to the parking lot, but I never saw them get out. I looked forward again to see a bus pull up and a swarm of people rush into the school all at once. It was the last time I would see that. My car was warm and a part of me wanted to fall asleep behind the dark lenses of my glasses. I didn't need to keep looking. Keep seeing my past walk right in front of me and eventually, continue on without me. It felt like being in a pond for a long time, knowing how the water felt, knowing when the seasons would change, getting a stuck in a snag sometimes but never letting it hold me. But now I was being plucked out of the pond. And the pond would keep on going just fine without me. But I was being tossed into the ocean now. It was different, it was bigger, it was scary.

I felt myself get teary behind the sunglasses. I know I shouldn't be, I was excited to be moving on. I knew I couldn't come back next year and I really didn't want to. So why was this flood of emotion hitting me right now? I thought back to being dropped off in this very parking lot as a sophomore before I could drive. I thought of the late nights when I drove out of this parking lot exhausted. I thought of the early mornings I pulled into this parking lot, also exhausted. I thought of the hundreds of days that had started out with this very parking lot.

And then a car pulled up next to me. A red one. The music was loud and the girl was jamming in her sunglasses. I smiled. She was a junior that I knew. She got out of the car and slammed the door. I couldn't help but smile as I took of my dark sunglasses. It wasn't so painful to look. Nostalgic maybe, but not painful. The tears were happy-tears. Tears of joy and excitement and wonder. So I picked up my nearly empty back-pack. Opened the car door to the summer morning, and walked inside Davis High School for the very last time.

So I'm literally one step away from the finish line of high school. I have two days of going to school and then two days of not going to school and playing and signing yearbooks and actually walking up the stairs to shake the principal's hand and getting my diploma and all that. We went to Sr. Cotillion this weekend and it was super fun. On the way home we were talking about our favorite and least favorite memories and such. Honestly there were so many things that I'd blocked from my memory I couldn't even really remember things. But now I've given it some more thought and I want to have documented my favorite and least favorite things about high school. You only go through it once (hopefully.....) and it's a crazy experience for everybody. No one gets an easy ride and no one leaves without a hint of nostalgia and sadness. Because after this we aren't kids anymore. Sure we can act like kids, but we aren't. Going to cotillion made me realize that I may not be sad enough to cry my eyes out (like some certain people in the senior class...) but I am sad. It's the end of an era. The end of a chapter in my life. I hope I always remember the people in that chapter and the things I learned from these pages, but I hope I don't constantly reread it.

So here's that list:

1. I remember going to the Point to eat lunch basically every day of sophomore year. And Ashley and I always split our food.
2. I remember loving English and Mrs. Hall
3. I remember being able to drive my friends around and feeling cool
4. I remember frequently driving to Viewmont/Centerville to visit everyone
5. I remember sitting in AP World History and thinking I was going to die.
6. I remember math class and feeling like an idiot the whole time.
7. I remember going to football games but none of my friends wanted to sit in the stands and watch, but wanted to sit on the track like the ninth graders.
8. I remember my brother leaving on his mission that January.
9. I remember Dance Company and being so close to all those girls
10. I remember going to dances that first year when none of my friends could, and they were all a blast. I had to learn to make new friends and I did
11. I remember choreographing my dance for dance company
12. I remember New Year's Eve with so much clarity it's ridiculous.
13. I remember the last day of school BBQ at Ashley's house
14. I remember feeling totally heartbroken
15. I remember seminary classes with fun people that I hadn't ever known before
16. I remember trying out for musical productions
17. I remember theater class
18. I remember Terri asking me to be on DTV and telling me I could skip intro.
19. I remember the very first day of musical productions
20. I remember meeting Syd Howard
21. I remember awkward movie nights and pool parties
22. I remember fighting with my friends and feeling like I'd lost them
23. I remember kisses.
24. I remember everything Mrs. Dau ever said.....not literally but you know what I mean
25. I remember basically worshipping Mr. Taylor
26. I remember falling asleep in Larsen's class but trying not to because something funny was bound to happen
27. I remember the Chicken Movie
28. I remember Cherry Hill
29. I remember crying myself to sleep
30. I remember making new friends
31. I remember IHOP at early hours of the morning
32. I remember missing Dance Company, but just a little
33. I remember my last day of ballet
34. I remember goodbyes
35. I remember hiking the mountain
36. I remember sobbing on stage, multiple times for multiple reasons
37. I remember meeting my family
38. I remember that very first kiss
39. I remember being a true dart
40. I remember poker nights
41. I remember orange leaf trips
42. I remember pool parties and laying on the tramp and visits at work
43. I remember screaming to myself because I was so happy
44. I remember dancing until my whole body ached
45. I remember when my brother came home, and told me I looked beautiful
46. I remember the push and pull of DTV
47. I remember laying out and reading about art
48. I remember dancing the night away, multiple times
49. I remember stress
50. I remember being proud to be a Dart

So I decided I should stop at fifty. There are fifty billion more things I could add to this list but I won't. Anywho. Yay for High School. Yay for Davis. Yay for the end of this chapter. Yay for the start of the Europe/BYU/Grown Up Chapter. Suprisingly, I think a lot of the things on this list, a lot of the people on this list, will make into the next chapter :)

Kris Allen is amazing. And so it would turn out that this song is amazing. And it makes me happy and sad at the same time. Because some of these things I'm really bad at. Being a friend and such. But other things I feel are exactly about me. Anywho....it's great. And if you think the lyrics are good, you should go to youtube and listen to the whole thing. And see the music video :)

Wake up if you believe
Love is not a fading dream
Tell me I'm not the only one
Who feels this way right now

Lonely needs a friend
Ask him where he's been
You could be the Light that comes
And turns his world around

I don't wanna run, I don't wanna hide
When someone needs somebody
I don't wanna say, I don't got the time
When someone needs somebody
With a little faith and a little soul
We can't go wrong
We can't go wrong

When a heart breaks
And the world shakes
Will we stand for the vision of love?
When a tear falls
And the fear crawls
Will we stand for the vision of love?
Will we stand for the vision of love?

Singing
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Make-up hides her face
Cos she feels out of place
She cries
Come on someone tell this girl she's beautiful
We don't gotta run, we don't gotta hide

When someone needs somebody
We don't need to say, we don't got the time
When someone needs somebody
With a little faith and a little soul
We can't go wrong
We can't go wrong
When a heart breaks
And the world shakes
Will we stand for the vision of love?
When a tear falls
And the fear crawls
Will we stand for the vision of love?
Will we stand for the vision of love?

Singing
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
(C'mon)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Let's stand up
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh)
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Let's stand
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh)
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Let's stand for the vision
Stand for the vision of love

Wake up
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh)
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Wake up
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh)
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Wake up if you believe

When a heart breaks
And the world shakes
Will we stand for the vision of love?
Will we stand for the vision of love?